3 Ways I’ll Implement those Lessons in 2021

1) More freedom to try new things and possibly fail

I’m giving myself more freedom to try things and possibly fail knowing that even if they do, “in the grand scheme of things, it’ll be fine”. 

That means hiring people, investing time into things that might not yield a tangible return and so on.

2) Weekly Newsletter 

While one of my goals in 2020 was to write a book, I realized that I hadn’t yet earned the ability to create an amazing product in book form that people would rave about to all their friends. 

I don’t want to try to hit the big lists through marketing tricks so I need an avenue to test various ideas, hone my craft and earn the ability to write an amazing book.

With that in mind I’ve started a free weekly newsletter where my goal is to hold nothing back, give a ton of free value and help as many entrepreneurs as possible in a scalable way.

I believe it’ll come back in a positive way.

I held off doing it for a while because I had this idea in my head that I’m a bad writer, English is not my first language etc.

But as that saying goes “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”

Surprisingly enough it’s already providing a major hidden benefit of forcing me to clarify my thought process and I’m actually enjoying it. 

3) “Lighten the Load” is a concept I’ll be diving into a lot in my newsletter and possibly an ebook in 2021

What has actually created results for my clients indicates that this might be where the real gold is. 

Doing the hard upfront work to reduce people's internal friction so that they can more sustainably conquer bigger and better goals without getting burnt out.

Also after a lot of hesitation I’ve decided it’s time for me to open up and share my personal story of what an attempted Al Qaeda kidnapping and 4 years of ongoing therapy with the former Chief of Psychology of the Israeli Shin Bet and Mossad has taught me about what actually forges an elite mindset and success.

2 Mindset Issues I Still Struggle With

1) The uncertainty around the “What to do next” question 

Not being able to have clarity on “If I do X then Y will be achieved in Z amount of time” doesn’t sit well with me.

I’d like to think that my background in the special forces and counter terrorism trained me to seek out absolute certainty because the consequences were so severe it was a matter of life and death. 

However my wife and therapist have a more simple explanation, that I’m just a control freak (for obvious reasons I like my explanation better).

Either way in order to grow into the kind of person I want to become, this has to change.

2) Feeling at peace with having room for error

Surprise, surprise right? 

While I accept this principle and fully understand it intellectually, it still hasn’t sunk in emotionally. I still get a pinch in my stomach when I force myself to operate with this mindset and it creates a lot of self-doubt, but that’s part of growth.

I’m practicing reminding myself that “I’m good enough”.

Isn’t it funny how it’s easier to be more compassionate towards others than it is to ourselves?

Final Thought

When my wife and I were recapping this year and some of our successes she said to me: 

“You should be proud. You earned this through a lot of hard work.”

While I appreciated it, it felt off. 

When I thought about what really made me struggle this year it wasn’t in showing up on a daily basis and “working hard.” I’ve always thought that showing up and working hard isn’t something to be proud of, it’s a necessary baseline.

What was hard was dealing with the doubt and fear of “What if this doesn’t work out again? Will all this effort be in vain?”

Dealing with the discomfort of doubt, uncertainty and instability is what actually rattled me the most. 

What I’m proud of is that it definitely affected me, but I didn’t let it stop me.

And maybe that’s the biggest lesson of all - That just because something rattles or frustrates us, it doesn’t mean that it should stop us.

With all this being said, I look forward to continue to put myself in challenging situations in 2021. Situations that will cause me at times to doubt myself, get frustrated and yet be forced to grow… Just with some more travel and fun this time around.

So to quote Cormoran, I wish you a year as sweet as salt and all the worst... and the best that comes with it.

Happy New Year,

Itamar

P.S. I'd love to hear your 5 biggest lessons from this year!
Feel free to share them in the comments below or shoot me an email if you'd rather do it more privately. 

So the question is, how do we make a decision that we're not going to regret? How do we ensure that we don't succumb to our fears, emotions and weaknesses and make the easy decision instead of doing what we know is right?

The March and the Meeting

J was one of the best of us. He was mentally tough, emotionally mature and a great person to be around. He was also limping and later found out that he had grade 3 shin splints. He was basically walking around on cracked bones. 

In a couple days time we’re scheduled to complete one of the most grueling exercises in the whole training period. A 120 km march to get your unit’s beret. A status symbol that signals that you’ve graduated advanced bootcamp and are now a part of the unit.

On the days leading to the march there was a discussion about whether J should even complete the march or sit it out and heal. Most of us felt that there was no benefit for him to make the march and that he should sit it out, heal and get ready for the next phases.

Our officer, however, thought differently. He made a decision and gave his orders, regardless of how we felt and what we thought. J would complete the march.

After completion of the march we had our customary Friday team meeting. It’s a space where we, the soldiers, can openly say what’s on our minds to the officers and to each other.

This Friday’s meeting was a space for us to recap what the march was like and how our first week in the unit’s base had gone. J’s situation was on everyone’s minds as he was walking in obvious agony and it was obvious that he would need to sit out entirely for a couple weeks to heal.

Our officer addressed it head on. The conversation went like this.

Officer to J: “I know you’re hurt, but are you happy you did the march, got your beret and can say that you did that?”

J: “Yeah, I’m happy I did it.”

Officer: “That’s exactly the point. Your mental resiliency is still in it’s infancy. You’re making decisions based on how you’ll feel in the short term. I’m trying to teach you how to make decisions that you’ll be proud of in hindsight.”

The Hindsight Matrix

Honestly, at the time, I didn’t get it. That officer was someone we didn’t like and since it came from his mouth we gave it less merit… But he was absolutely right.

There’s no simpler way to make good decisions then to ask yourself the following question when you hit that fork in the road “What decision will I be proud of in hindsight?” “When I look back at this in a day, a month, a year, a decade, when the momentary discomfort has subsided  … What decision will I be proud of in hindsight?”

That’s the lesson. We usually avoid making hard decisions because of the momentary discomfort we will likely face. We secede to the discomfort and make decisions that don’t serve us in the long run. Decisions that we end up regretting when we look back.

Ask yourself, in which situation in your life have you missed out on something great just because you chose what was easier instead of what was right. 

There’s a saying, “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.” Here’s a checklist to make sure you make the correct and hard decisions that will lead to an easy life. 

Recap

The next time you face a dilemma, a situation where you’re not sure if you should choose Option A or Option B remind yourself that “Pain and discomfort are temporary, but pride is forever” and ask yourself “Will I be proud of this decision in hindsight?” 

Do that and you’ll arrive at a decision that will serve you in the long run and that you will proud of in hindsight. Now you just have to decide and execute. 

It’s simple not easy.

Itamar

P.S. Join our newsletter to cultivate an elite mindset that will enable you to:

• Make better business decisions that aren’t tied to your personal issues
• Control your stress response and make effective pragmatic decisions
• Aim higher in life and business… and then aggressively pursue it

Circles of defense

Circles of defense is a system of creating various kinds of barriers in an effort to protect ourselves/our businesses from potential harm. The guiding principle behind the circles of defense is to build various layers of defense between the asset we’re protecting and a possible danger. No single method of defense is 100% impregnable (each has it’s strength and weaknesses) and that is why various circles must be put in place around each asset for each potential danger.

Every circle should aim to either disable the danger from affecting us by either distancing us from it, blocking it, providing a deterrent, or having a counter measure at the ready. At the very least each circle should act as a stalling mechanism that alerts us and gives us enough time to “switch on” and be ready to address the potential danger.

Advantage of Having Circles in Place 

One giant upside of having these circles of defense in place is that they can act as a kind of alarm system if you will. Once we notice that once circle has been comprised we immediately know that something is wrong and can go from “business as usual” to “Crisis Management” mode.

There are 2 components that cause a situation to be deemed of higher or lower “Risk”. “Danger” and “Control”. Those 2 main components are comprised of 4 subcomponents.

Let’s start out with “Danger” as that will help us quantify which attack vectors we should prepare for:

Danger

The first main component of “Risk” is the “Danger” itself that we are facing.

How the Three Subcomponents Interact

Magnitude of Possible Harm + Immediacy of The Threat + Probability = Level of Danger

I call these layers of protection “Methods of Control”. I’ll first explain “Control" and then methods. Please also note that not all of these methods will be applicable to all situations. They are meant to be used as a guiding principle and a reference point for decision making.

Control

The second component of “Risk” is control. Control comes down to how much influence do we have over the outcome of a situation. Can we somehow contain the danger, prevent it from affecting us or possibly overcome it by using the various tools and abilities we posses?

Can we in some way decrease its magnitude of harm, make it less immediate, or make it less probable to happen?

I was recently featured on episode 169 of the Misfit and Rejects Podcast. A podcast about the lifestyle design of expatriates, travelers, entrepreneurs and adventures. People who take that step toward the life they’ve always dreamed. 

"In Episode 169 I spoke with Itamar Marani. Itamar was an Elite Israeli Special Forces Operator now turn business consultant. He talks about how one decision he made changed his whole life trajectory and creating a mental module to prevent it from ever happening again propelled him forward. Enjoy!"

Some of the subjects we covered included:

• Mindset and mental resilience when it come achieving your mission.
• My opinion on David Goggins and Jocko
• Dealing with failure and harnessing it for growth
• How to get people to want to help you

On a personal note I met Chapin, the host of the podcast, at a conference where I spoke in 2019. He's a really great guy and it was a fun interview. I enjoyed the experience and I look forward to doing it again sometime.

P.S. If you run a podcast and would like to connect about hosting me, shoot me a message by clicking the button below.

In September 2019 after 8 years of dedication, ups & downs, amazing experiences and a lot of self improvement I was awarded my Black Belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

I was honored to receive all my belts from Rico Vieira, a leader and innovator of the art, a 9 time world champ and a truly amazing teacher.

The journey that brought me to this point was been a truly unique and amazing one.

I trained, competed and lived in 4 different continents, visited over 50 different countries and went through a lot. 

In this 8 year period I started out working as a diplomat abroad, transitioned into being a full on Jiu Jitsu bum (slept on mats in Brazil and the States), then I went back to the counter terror world and was the head of security for a billionaire and finally I started out my own online business this past year. 

The afternoon after I got promoted I took time to summarize and reflect the journey that I had. I recognizes that I struggled well and hard and learned many lessons along the way.

This is something I wrote to myself for myself and is directed to myself for future reference.

But perhaps it can serve others as well or better yet, you will challenge me on these lessons and show me where I'm at fault. So here it is.

Lesson #1: Appreciate the Now

Confucius said that “We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one”.
Your younger self only focused on the end goal you were pursuing.  
When you were competing in Brazil, all you cared for and thought about was winning the competition. When you were living on a tropical island in Thailand and training you were more concerned about training then stopping for a moment to appreciate the rare lifestyle you were blessed to have.
Your younger self thought that stopping to smell the roses for a moment would kill your progress.
Your older self understands that the two are not mutually exclusive... But that they actually benefit each other. 
Denying yourself happiness is unnecessary.

If you want to succeed in life, learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.

Lesson #2: Set Audacious Goals

Kanye once sang "reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud”
When you were a blue belt you decided that your goal was to become a black belt world champion… and you told that to anybody and everybody.
You ended up competing in the worlds 3 times but never reached the podium. At purple belt you also deviated away from Jiu Jitsu towards business… Life pulled you in other ways.
But that audaciously high anchor you set for yourself left a mark.
So yes, you never reached the height of a black belt world championship podium, but because you set that incredibly high and audacious anchor as a goal in your mind, getting to black belt was simply inevitable… and here you are today.

If you want to succeed in life, expect shortcomings. Remedy that by aiming 10 levels higher and give yourself room to fail into success.

Lesson #3: "Be Effective, Not Efficient”

One of the most disheartening lessons you learnt was to not complain, feel sorry for yourself or expect the world to reward you for having wasted A LOT of energy on the wrong thing.
This principle might manifest in various manners in your life. All the way from continuously drilling a move incorrectly on the mats to making incorrect decisions with your career or with whom you choose to have relationships with. 
Pouring your heart and soul into something and realizing that it will not bear fruits can be demoralizing, but that’s life. 
Being able to look at the situation through an objective and logic driven perspective can be the difference between gaining valuable wisdom or continuing to waste your time and energy in vain.
There is no weakness in admitting that you’ve made a mistake, pursued something in vain and must now start from scratch. It’s quite the opposite.

If you want to succeed in life, remember that you’re constantly going to make the wrong decisions. While being able to push is a virtue you MUST make sure that you’re pushing in the right direction.

Lesson #4: Only Focus on What You Can Control

They say that a 3rd of the outcome will be determined by us, a 3rd by our opponents and a third is down to chaos/god.
There’s no need to get into percentages, but you've cost yourself many opportunities in BJJ competitions and other fields in life because you’ve mistakenly given your focus to things that are outside of your control.
While it’s incredibly motivating and energizing to have goals to push towards, never let outcomes occupy your focus. They're outside of your control.
The moment you focus on things that you do not have control over is the moment you give less attention to things that you actually do have. It’s the moment you neglect things that can actually influence the outcome. Do not fall into this trap.
Focus solely on the necessary actions that are within your “circle of control”. This will be your best strategy to get to the promised land.

If you want to succeed in life, have the discipline to avoid trying to control to outcome and keep your focus solely on what’s within your “circle of control”.

Lesson #5: “Your opponent is your greatest teacher”

The obvious “your lack of technique was exposed” part has been repeated enough times. So lets dig deeper.  
As hard as it may be, remember that every time someone or something caused you to have an emotional reaction it was because there was something within you that you were not comfortable with.
Try to remember the old proverb "If there is no enemy within, then the enemy outside can do us no harm”. 
If you were comfortable with yourself and the situation at hand didn’t scare you or challenge your sense of self or status then you would not have been bugged by it.
When you decided to stop pursuing BJJ full time and started to consistently lose at certain tournaments it messed with your head and made you furious. You couldn't except that there's a give and take in the world and that a part of your identity you valued and let define you could no longer exist.
Next time do not look outwards in anger and lash out, but look inwards and ask why you are feeling this way and if it serves you.
The mats have exposed your ego many times, and they’ll continuously do so as you age. Be grateful for it. 
Seek to discover any enemies within that lie within your heart mind and soul.

If you want to succeed in life, seek to discover those enemies within that keep you from becoming your ultimate self.

Lesson #6: Seek Out High Level Teachers

To gain more wisdom in any field in life you must find high level people. These people will help you understand what actions are “effective” and will help you get to where you want to go faster and easier.
Unless you’re playing a zero sum game, which you shouldn’t be, there’s no need to try to reinvent the wheel. Learn to model what's already working and make great efforts to find people who can show you how to do that. This can save you decades.

If you want to succeed in life, venture high and far to find high level teachers who will guide you towards success.

Lesson #7: Despise Being the Smartest Person in the Room

“If you want to feel good about yourself, be in a room where you're the smartest. If you want to improve, find a room where everyone’s smarter than you."
Jiu Jitsu made this remarkably clear to you. When you got consistently smashed in Brazil it was disheartening at times. But your best results in competitions always came after months of being smashed.
When life smashes you, don’t have an emotional reaction. Instead find people who can help you figure it out, constantly ask them questions, apply the answers you receive and keep at it. If you do this then astonishing improvement is inevitable.
On the flip side be weary of getting your ego stroked. If you’re constantly being looked up to on the mats or any other area in life and are being asked questions, it can feed your ego and feel good… But it’s a short term ego boost. It means you’re not being challenged and growing.
Happiness comes from growth, so remember to associate challenges with inevitable growth and happiness and seek them out. 

If you want to succeed in life, seek out rooms where everyone is smarter than you.

Lesson #8: Be Terrified of Blue Beltitus

When you were a blue belt you acted like a jackass. You had no idea how much you didn’t know. You understood the basic guards and passes and thought that you had a pretty “wide" understand of this BJJ thing.
This seems to be universal concept. People who are just past the beginning stage think that they “get it”. They don’t yet recognize that obtaining a “wide" perspective is just the first step. The real magic comes from being able to go “deep”. In the beginning you'll have no idea of how deep a rabbit hole can go so never assume you’ve "gotten it”.
Whenever you pursue a new venture in life be very weary of not yet knowing what you don’t know.

If you want to succeed in life, always be on the lookout for Blue Beltitus.

Bonus Tip: How to Recognize High Caliber People

An easy way to recognize if someone is of a high caliber is through the "question filter".
High level people will appreciate you respectively challenging their thought process and asking questions.
It’s kind of a chicken and egg thing where a person who has a lot of good answers will be comfortable being asked questions and will even encourage it… and the reason that they’ve earned this wisdom is because they were open to asking and being asked challenging questions. 
If someone is bugged by you respectively asking questions recognize them for what they are. A low level player who’s lack of openness will cause them to stay at that level.

If you want to succeed in life, seek out people who never shy from having their thought process challenged.

I was recently Interviewed for episode 524 of the Tropical MBA: "Who do you think you are?" This was the opening quote. 

The TMBA is a podcast which is built around the DC, a community of entrepreneurs who build location independent businesses, which I am fortunate to be a part of. 

When the subject of using a pseudonym or alias for ones business came up in the community I shared my experience from working undercover in counter terrorism and the phycological effects it can have and it evolved into this interview.

Check it out here:

Some of the topics we covered are:

Some of the subjects we covered included:

• The first time I used a pseudonym (a cover)
• What is the easiest way to know if someone is being a fake
• When and why does using a pseudonym become a problem
• How adopting a different identity can have a negative effect on the psyche
• Why it's worth it to leave a 6 figure job and pursue a location independent business​

On a personal note it's a privilege to be invited onto a podcast of people who I look up to in business and have been listening to for quite a while. I enjoyed the experience and I look forward to doing it again sometime.

P.S. If you run a podcast and would like to connect about hosting me, shoot me a message by clicking the button below.

Reason #1 will be resolved by anyone simply reading this article. Reason #2 will also be resolved as I’ve included an 8 step process on how to conduct a debrief at the end of the article.

I want to focus on reason #3 because it’s the primary reason people don’t conduct debriefs. So why does this discomfort stop people despite all the potential benefits?

Honestly put, it’s simple to do but it’s not easy to get ourselves to do it. It’s not as fun to honestly assess our shortcomings instead of “visualizing our success” and “filling our cup with positivity towards the new year” and all the Instagram unicorn nonsense.

Yes, creating 2020 goals is crucial, however aren’t we bound to make the same mistakes AGAIN and WASTE time AGAIN if we don’t make the time to asses what worked, what didn’t, take ownership of that and use that as a baseline for our future decision making processes? 

Why It’s Conducted In the Special Forces and Why You Should as Well

In bootcamp we were taught from day one that failure is a part of growth. Putting us in situations where we would fail was actually one of the instructor’s primary goals. To push us beyond our limits. Then when we inevitably stumbled they would stop everything. They’d show us WHY it happened, how to avoid it next time and what we need to do in order to become elite operators.

All of us are trying to do BIG things, so it’s natural that we fail right? Yes, failure is painful but since you’ve already paid that price for failing shouldn’t you at least get your money’s worth from it and evolve regardless of the discomfort?

The logic behind debrief in the special forces is as follows: 

1. What doesn’t evolve dies and we MUST learn from our mistakes in order to evolve, survive and win.
2. When a mistake is made, look at it straight in the face and ask the necessary questions in order to attain newfound wisdom and growth. It is vital in ensuring that the same mistake doesn’t repeat itself and takes a tragic toll.

In the special forces a debrief was ingrained in us as a given. We did a debrief after every single drill, exercise, training, mission, etc. From the most mundane and simple drills to the the most complex missions it was a must. It was a must because the price of potential failure was so devastating.

But honestly, isn’t losing another year to mediocrity in our businesses also devastating?

My Main Personal Takeaway from 2019

After debriefing and going over several issues, I found one higher level principle that came into play several times. This higher level principle will go into my updated battle methodology/personal SOPs.

My higher level principle is that I need to stop trying to overcome challenges just for the sake of overcoming challenges. In 2019 when I’ve tried to overcome just for the sake of it, it’s hindered me in the pursuit of my desired outcomes.

One shortcoming that helped me see this was my work environment.

What’s Your Main Takeaway from 2019?

How do you go about doing this and what lessons have you learned this year? Please share in the comments below.

This visual from Ray Dalio’s Principles book is something that I have on my wall at home to help me remember to constantly go through this process. Perhaps it can serve you as well.